Apart !

PROLOGUE
"Even you do not recall, and even i forget,
How wonderful that moment was, wasted for us yet." - D. Matthew

If i compose a verse,
Or read of something new,
A subject that concerns the world;
If i hear something uncommon,
Something
That might make you laugh,
A sentence
Which seems interesting,
Or some original idea;
If i am greeted by a sight
Which is stunning,
Some moment
Which touches my heart;
I store all these things
In the recesses of my mind,
And think...
That when we meet
I shall tell them all to you.

EPILOGUE
"History repeats itself !"
We have all heard that, read that, been reminded of that (like here and now). But then why do the best parts always go astray and don't find a place in the repetition ?

Ubiquitous !

PROLOGUE

"That distrust which intrudes so often on your mind is a mode of melancholy, which, if it be the business of a wise man to be happy, it is foolish to indulge; and if it be a duty to preserve our faculties entire for their proper use, it is criminal. Suspicion is very often an useless pain." - Samuel Johnson

I was quite intrigued and to some extent motivated by the remarks of various "Anonymous"s. My takeaways from the comments were: Insecurity, Uncertainty, Indecision, the battle between draw and checkmate (Check & Mate). Am lethargic when it comes to publishing the posts (or comments) but these varied comments and insinuating remarks impelled me. Further fuel was provided by the fact that these factors are omnipresent !

My perception is that uncertainty/insecurity/indecision nurture in the womb of over anticipation. An idle and thoughtless resignation to chance, without any struggle against calamity or endeavour after advantage, is indeed below the dignity of a reasonable being, in whose power providence has put a great part even of his present happiness; but it shows an equal ignorance of our proper sphere, to harass our thoughts with conjectures about things not yet in being. How can we regulate events, of which we yet know not whether they will ever happen? And why should we think, with painful anxiety, about that on which our thoughts can have no influence?

It is bothersome, often worrying, and sometimes acutely distressing to have to choose our actions when we are unsure what will help or harm us, or simply waste our energies. Unfortunately there is no sure shot answer but to wait for the result of the biopsy of the event/situation/thought process, feeling impelled to confront the possibility of pain, or worse being overwhelmed and disabled by the grief of losing the future in which so many hopes and plans had been invested.

I believe that all these emanate from not knowing enough to predict what will happen ! On the verge of passing judgement i will say that deeper understanding, laced with trust, sprinkled with belief, warmed with introspection will be a potent way of containing these fiends. How effectively can that be done will depend on a complex interweaving of cultural and personal assumptions.

Checkmate or Check-&-Mate ? Indecision innit ?

EPILOGUE

“Then indecision brings its own delays,

And days are lost lamenting o'er lost days.

Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;

What you can do, or dream you can, begin it;

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”

- John Wolfgang Van Goethe

Carpe Diem !

PROLOGUE

"Carpe Diem, Quam Minimum Credula Postero" - Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)

Which means, loosely: Set aside faraway hopes. Even as we speak, time is running away from us. So seize the day and the moment, and don’t put your faith in the future.

That tired feeling when you get up in the morning, those nagging worries, that lack of enjoyment in work or friends, that feeling of indecision, of conflicting emotions, that nail-biting, that heart that beats too fast now & then, and that sudden flush—what causes all these sub-neurotic symptoms?

Summary: Indecision fuelled by benign nervousness. A factor, which seems to somehow sap the strength from the personal and/or professional life.

“The only constant thing in life is change.” Despite knowing this very well and accepting it at some level we are still taciturn in terms of actually deciding to go for the opportunities that stare at us. Why do we tend to forget that if we didn’t veer from the preset course, we wouldn’t meet whom we met, we wouldn’t be who we are.

When it comes to personal lives and when the relationship sinks into the bowels of the infamous sea in which there are purportedly lots of other fish, it’s hard not to miss the easy comfort that comes from having truly gotten to know one another. The idea is not to look for changes in this scenario. That is until one is not being measured for the coffin which holds the past relationship and the other party refuses to bother looking to see who the person really might be.

I'm certainly not suggesting that any of this is easy, but I will say that when one puts forth the effort, knowing someone (and being known) so well certainly helps.

On the professional side the story is slightly (if not in entirety) different. It’s a complex concoction of personal goals, egos and alter-egos of different people, talks about team work whilst always trying to get the personal agendas pushed forward, the lack lustre world of competent superiors, the dull sheen of position held (or can be reached depending on T-Cubed , a terminology that I will never explain). It’s a world of compromise. It’s a state of indecision… till the gestation period is over. I take the liberty to impose a few lines from one of my poems:

“The Wait continues,
For the glowing ambers yet lack the flame,
Till they burn so high and bright,
That no longer can they be suppressed”

It’s amazing how complacent one can grow when comforted by the knowledge that we are "known." It’s not an overnight sensation, but one that can take years, and its much like learning to play an instrument. Difficult at first, hard to know where to put one's fingers in order to produce a pleasant sound, but with effort and practice, melodious tunes seem to flow freely just by wishing it to be so. For the most part, that is.

Maybe that’s why the non-musical me likes Jazz, just follow what the heart says: Carpe Diem

EPILOGUE

You’ve heard this: "Past is history, Future is Mystery, Present is a gift – that’s why its called present." - Anonymous
Present is our own personal parcel and we may need to pull off a fair few layers before we see and appreciate that gift. Carpe Diem

You haven’t heard this yet: If the past is in the present , can there be any future ?